A Wedding Sermon

I was privileged to perform my first wedding ceremony for my very dear friends Patrick and Luz in Los Angeles this past weekend. Below is, for the most part, the homily that I gave.

A note about posting a bunch of sermons lately: That’s what I happen to be writing lately, so that’s what I am putting here. I hope to broaden out again soon. It won’t always be recycled stuff, or day old manna, as I like to call it.

Homily

You are about to make your vows to one another, committing yourselves to one another for the rest of your lives. So we’re going to pause for a moment to consider what you’ll say and what it means.

In the John 15.9-12 passage, we learn that you are to love one another as Christ has loved you. That means you let your actions toward one another look like Christ’s. And you measure how you’re doing at being loving not by comparison to your spouse, but by comparison to Christ. Don’t use your spouse as your example of love–especially not the disappointing idea of your spouse you have constructed in your head–use Christ as your example of love.

In Philippians 2 we read about the example of Christ’s love, and learn that we should have the mind of Christ. Mind here can mean attitude, intention, and goal. You should have the same intentions for one another that Christ has for each of you. In other words, you say, “What Christ wants for you, I want for you as well.” You desire the will of God for the other person’s life, not your own will for their life.

Paul continues later in the same letter to the Philippians, in chapter three, to describe his ministry in terms reminiscent of marriage vows. He has experienced riches and poverty, sickness and health, hunger and fullness, clothes and nakedness, comfort and suffering, peace and conflict. But he was able to be content in every circumstance, to be grounded and stable. What was his answer? “I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength.” He means here, “Christ gives me strength to endure both suffering and comfort, riches and poverty, peace and tribulation”–for both circumstances need the strength of Christ to be lived in faithfully.

Now I want to help you understand more fully the vows you are about to make to each other. You will promise to love each other for better or worse, richer or poorer, in sickness and in health, as long as you live. It might seem like these vows are nice sentiments for the good times, but that it’s in the bad times that the vows are really necessary. That when things are going well, when there are riches and health and every good thing in abundance, love will be easy and your commitment to one another will not be strained.

That is not true. As our society has become richer, as life has become easier, as our health and quality of life have improved, marriage has not gotten any easier.

There is an adversity in poverty, but there is also an adversity in riches. There is an adversity in both sickness and health. For in each, there are unique temptations and afflictions to the soul, which present unique challenges to the marriage. And what is the secret that will help you to remain content in every circumstance, grounded and faithful in your love? There is no formula you can follow to fulfill your vows. There is no secret recipe to a happy marriage. There is only the power of Christ working in you to help you love the person in front of you in the moment you find yourself right now. How does Luz need to be loved right now? How does Patrick need to be loved right now? Then pray for Christ to help you accomplish it. That is your formula.

And now I want to give some advice directed at each one of you individually that will hopefully help you keep these vows in every circumstance:

Patrick, you cannot love Luz like she should be loved. It might be embarrassing for me to bring it up, but we all know it’s true. You just don’t have it in you to love her the way God wants her to be loved. Your love is too fickle, too impure, and too selfish. But you are about to pledge to her that it will be your responsibility to see to it that she is loved. The only way you will be able to keep your vow and love her in every circumstance is if your love for her is joined with God’s love for her. For God’s love is faithful, pure, and selfless. You will love her in every circumstance through Christ, who gives you strength. Follow his example of love, and his grace will fill your heart to be able to love Luz like Christ loves you.

Because I know Luz. I have been here friend literally for years. And I know that she needs that kind of love. So here is what you’ll have to commit to as her husband: You’re going to have to be okay with her desires being more important than yours. You’re going to have to be the first one to admit fault and apologize, regardless of her willingness to do the same. You’re going to have to make it your goal to serve her more than she serves you. Settle it in your heart right now that you’re always going to have to give more, work harder, and overlook more faults. And you’re going to have to accept that for all the extra love that you’re giving, she may never recognize or appreciate it. But that’s not your part of the vows. Your part is to keep loving her in every circumstance, and Christ will help you.

Luz, you cannot love Patrick like he should be loved. It might be embarrassing for me to bring it up, but we all know it’s true. You just don’t have it in you to love him the way God wants him to be loved. Your love is too fickle, too impure, and too selfish. But you are about to pledge to him that it will be your responsibility to see to it that he is loved. The only way you will be able to keep your vow and love him in every circumstance is if your love for him is joined with God’s love for him. For God’s love is faithful, pure, and selfless. You will love him in every circumstance through Christ, who gives you strength. Follow his example of love, and his grace will fill your heart to be able to love Patrick like Christ loves you.

Because I know Patrick. He and I have been Facebook friends literally since this morning. And I know that he needs that kind of love. So here is what you’ll have to commit to as his wife: You’re going to have to be okay with his desires being more important than yours. You’re going to have to be the first one to admit fault and apologize, regardless of his willingness to do the same. You’re going to have to make it your goal to serve him more than he serves you. Settle it in your heart right now that you’re always going to have to give more, work harder, and overlook more faults. And you’re going to have to accept that for all the extra love that you’re giving, he may never recognize or appreciate it. But that’s not your part of the vows. Your part is to keep loving him in every circumstance, and Christ will help you.

If each of you can follow these instructions, not to get the other person to behave like you want them to, but to show the self-giving love of Christ to the one nearest to your own heart, then I am confident that the love of God will become real in your marriage. You’re not promising today that you will never fail. You are promising that you will never stop loving one another, that you will never give up. So we are commissioning you here today: keep on loving one another.