The Ancient of Days

I’m one day into 40 and found this entry in my prayer journal from a little over three years ago on Jeremiah 1.4-10 and 29.11-14:

You know what you’re about, as John Henry Newman says. Nothing is endangered. Nothing can be lost except what refuses to be found. Nothing will be wasted. All things will reach their end in your glory. My whole anxious and distracted life has been held together all along by the delight of God. Help me to seek you with my whole heart. Break my heart out of every captivity that ensnares it. Let me be free: free to search for you, free to find you, free to dance in joy, free to desire and to receive my desires. Be my desire, that my heart may tend toward you. Let me find you at home deep within my heart. If it is you, Lord, then call me to you and I will come. Tenuous and sinking, of precious little faith (nothing precious about that, actually). Rather than like Jeremiah feeling too young, I already feel too old to do anything of consequence for you. How absurd. You know what you’re about. My knowing adds nothing and my ignorance need not take anything away from your calling, so long as I am willing to be led in the dark. Just tell me again that dawn is coming so that I have hope and hear again your voice. You are with me. I will find you. I’ve never been out of your gaze.