Unworthy of a Family

A friend recently told me of a family in Alabama who are trying to adopt a boy with Down syndrome from Russia, but have been so far unsuccessful. It seems they are in a legal battle with the Russian government after being told they had to choose another child to adopt because this boy was deemed “unworthy of a family.”

I don’t know the feeling inside you when you read that, but I feel like watching Rocky pummeling Ivan Drago, the Russian boxing behemoth from Rocky IV.

There just has to be something lost in the translation. Surely the Russian government does not label any child “unworthy of a family.” Then again, in our own country some children are referred to as “unadoptable.” Even if that’s meant to signify the observable unwillingness of families to adopt children of specific backgrounds or ages or differences, it still gets attached to the child, giving the impression that it’s an inherent quality in that child.

But “unworthy of a family” feels so much stronger, like if the kid could just measure up, he might be able to earn the right not to be alone. Or the equally absurd other side of the coin that I am in a family because I somehow deserve to be. Language about what we deserve is common in informal conversations about rights, as if “what I have a right to” is exactly the same as “what I deserve.” I heard a celebrity once defend her right to adopt as a single parent by saying that she deserved to have a child. As if the reasons for adopting a child are about as strong as the reasons for eating at McDonald’s: “Go ahead, you deserve it!”

But while there is so much that is flawed with the label “unworthy of a family,” there is something profoundly true about it as well, though not specially for a Down syndrome child. When I think of all of my shortcomings as a son, a brother, a husband, and now a father, I cannot imagine that I am any more worthy of a family than anyone else.

But when I consider God’s family, that I am an orphan by birth and a prodigal by choice, that all of my actions added up amount to a description of an enemy of God, but that he adopted me into his family–I think “unworthy of his family” is an apt description. I did not get adopted when I made myself worthy, but when he made room for me at his own expense and lavished his love on me. And in his kingdom what I have a right to is not tied to what I deserve, as Saint John once said, “Yet to all who did receive him, to those who believed in his name, he gave the right to become children of God.”

There may be people who would adopt someone labeled “unworthy of a family” out of a sense of compassion, or a desire to rise to a challenge, or a need to prove the Russians wrong. But the Christian community should be uniquely prepared to care for such a child, because “unworthy of a family” is something like the first half of our confession. We are unworthy of his family, but he adopted us anyway. Being unworthy of a family is no barrier to being adopted, especially since we have been given the Spirit of Adoption now. This child has brothers and sisters who are just like him. The label that was intended to mark him as different is actually the moniker of the family of God. What was meant to isolate him has actually made him belong, for there is something of the family resemblance in him.